Today, I want to tackle a subject that touches communications, including social media--self-centeredness and narcissism. My inspiration for this post comes from a CNN.com commentary penned by Ruben Navarrette Jr., a nationally syndicated columnist. It is entitled, Joe, Kanye, Serena -- aren't they special?. In his column, he argues that recent episodes of rudeness featuring the likes of Joe Wilson, Kanye West and Serena Williams are a result of several generations of Americans being raised to believe they are special.
In the column, he writes:
....But this phenomenon isn't limited to celebrities and previously anonymous backbenchers in Congress basking in their 15 minutes.
There are many people out there, in all walks of life, who think they're more significant than they really are. Plagued with an exaggerated sense of self-importance, they feel entitled to do whatever they want, whenever they want to do it no matter whom it hurts.
In his analysis, he mentions that "some in the media blame the coarseness of talk radio and the Internet where the most extreme voices are the loudest and where people tune in not to hear different points of view but to have their own views validated." And he touches on "...the look-at-me-I'm-so-special culture bred by egocentric social networking sites such as Facebook, My Space, and Twitter. With thousands of 'followers' caring enough to take time from their own day to shadow you through yours, is it any wonder that the followed are getting big heads as they "tweet" what they had for breakfast?"
And, I believe, there is some truth to those allegations. How many Glen Becks or Keith Olbermanns on TV or Rush Limbaughs on the radio does it take to desensitize us to rudeness, contrariness, half-truths, and everything that is opposite respect and dignity for others, especially those we disagree with? And how many times do we need to be told that so-and-so on Twitter is an A-Lister or that what's-his-name is a rock star because they have thousands of faux friends on Facebook before so-and-so and what's-his-name begin to believe they really are A-Listers and rock stars?
That said, I agree with Navarrette that social media, talk TV and radio, and spoiled celebrities are not the root cause of the entitlement culture we live in today, but they certainly deserve lots of credit for the crudeness and rudeness of our nation's behavior when it is bad. Like, Navarrette, I place most of the blame on bad parenting. First, let us discount those celebrities, politicians and the wealthy who must be held accountable for their own self-centeredness, who look in the mirror and see gods smiling back. Those misled narcissists aside, most self-centeredness begins in the home. And before I get up on my soapbox, let me admit that my generation--the baby boomers--hold much of the blame for the current generations who bear the scars of our mistakes.
My wife and I are products of educators and psychologists who believed that the critical piece for raising confident, happy and successful children centered around self-esteem. Never mind that previous generations produced some pretty successful and relatively happy people, who were raised to believe that we earn everything; nothing is given us. In fact, that's how the leading edge of us baby boomers were raised. But, hey, baby boomers weren't all fools. Putting the blame on our parents and their generation was a lot easier than accepting responsibility for our own weaknesses. So, we grabbed onto the idea that doting on children's self-esteem and nourishing it with false rewards were a lot better way to raise kids than making them work for success.
So, we practiced what psychologists call "cheap self-esteem," both to mend ourselves and our children. In the earliest grades, instead of ranking stars gold for best, blue for good and red for needs work, everybody gets gold stars and a hug. We carried that concept through college by issuing inflated grades, often at the insistence of parents. Instead of awarding trophies for outstanding results, everybody got a trophy. And when our kids made a mistake, kind words and second chances were ample. Our goal, in Navarette's words: "...making our kids think they're 10-feet tall and bulletproof when they're neither." What were the ultimateresults: overblown egos, self-centeredness and in a few cases, narcissistic, rude behavior. Respect and dignity for others diminished. The entitlement culture took root.
This entitlement mentality now flourishes in our culture. We see it everywhere. Often the symptoms are far more subtle than those proudly exhibited by the boorish among us. Nevertheless, there are far too many of us who exhibit a "me" first mentality, best exhibited by those who believe that government is both the cause and solution to our problems. We also see it exhibited by those at work who blame others for their mistakes; by those children who blame their teachers, coaches and parents for every bad thing in their lives; and by those friends who exhibit negativity day in and day out. (BTW: If your friends are like this, you need new friends.)
I don't have a cultural solution; however, it has taken 40 years to get us here, we aren't going to change cultural attitudes in a day. But we can do something for ourselves. When I was a kid my mother read me the story about the little choo choo that could. Cute story. Decades later, I finally got the message. If you believe you can, you can. If you believe you can't, you can't. We are the only ones responsible and accountable for our successes and our failures.
Speak up! Share! I bet most of you have strong feelings one way or the other about what I wrote here. I'm open to your thoughts, pro or con.